Who are these so-called “web designers,” and what are they all about? It’s a profession shrouded in mystery. Here’s a little pop quiz to familiarize you with this baffling vocation.
1. Who truly gets no respect?
A) Rodney Dangerfield
B) Osama Bin Laden
C) Web designers
D) Web designers and Osama Bin Laden
ANSWER: D. Web designers don’t get respect because it’s a job where it’s hard to define the actual work that goes into it. Osama Bin Laden doesn’t get respect because he is the most hated man on earth.
2. If a high school student can design a website for $10 an hour, then an experienced web designer is grossly overcharging the client if they can’t do the same.
A) Yes
B) No
C) Go screw yourself!
D) Go screw yourself with the festering stump of a crusty pirate named Ol’ Petey
E) Both C & D
ANSWER: E. $10-an-hour designers usually create $10-an-hour websites.
3. What is a web designer’s favorite leisure activity?
A) Killing time on Digg
B) Finding old Steve Jobs photos
C) Whining about the industry
D) All of the above
ANSWER: D. Whining about the industry, though, comes first and foremost in terms of favorite activities.
4. When you tell people you’re a doctor they’re impressed. When you tell people you’re an architect they’re impressed. When you tell people you’re a web designer they:
A) Shrug their shoulders
B) Laugh nervously
C) Drop to their knees and kiss your feet
D) Awkwardly shift from foot to foot with the expression on their face like they crave pudding
E) A, B, & D
ANSWER: E. Very few people appreciate the education and skill that is involved with being a designer.
5. The ultimate goal of a web designer is:
A) To have a pretty site
B) To communicate via design
C) To create a forum with chimps wearing people clothes because everyone loves that and always finds it funny
D) All of the above
ANSWER: B. Though the site should be “sexy,” it has to have purpose or else it’s a big waste of everyone’s time.
6. Adding a thick border might distract and cause:
A) Noise
B) Irritable bowel syndrome
C) A Biblical plague of locust
D) Both B & C
ANSWER: A. Design is not a matter of taste. Even if you like it, be aware that such things as certain color combinations don’t work.
7. What’s the difference between professional and amateur web designers?
A) One solves a problem using a website, while the other creates something that looks nice
B) A Y-chromosome
C) An opposable thumb and ability to walk upright on twos
D) $30,000 a year
E) Both A and D
ANSWER: E. Amateurs decorate, professionals communicate. Unfortunately, D isn’t always true.
8. What is the thing that web designers need most?
A) Empathy for the site’s users
B) Apathy for the site’s users and a key to the executive washroom
C) World domination
D) A hug
ANSWER: A. Always keep in mind the user needs to navigate easily around the site. Too many bells and whistles can be distracting and get damn annoying.
9. When it comes to links a designer should:
A) Make it look like a link; it should be recognizable and consistent with the link style
B) Make it fun for the site user to find them; like an elaborate Where’s Waldo adventure
C) Not include links, because links are for “sell outs” and “sissies”
D) Curl into a ball and cry
ANSWER: A. Again, have empathy for the user.
10. Will a client automatically like your design right off that bat?
A) Of course they won’t have you change a thing. Take them out for a shrimp cocktail
B) No. Strap yourself in for a long series of changes and expect them to pick the worst draft
C) They won’t, but they’ll buckle under the pressure if you insist that it’s good because the majority of clients fear web designers much the same way citizens of Tokyo feared Godzilla
D) All of the above
ANSWER: B. As they say, a camel is a horse designed by a committee!
